


I'm Worth More Than Six Goats

by Miss_Amby



Series: Their Crazy Immortal Life [1]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: M/M, Married Couple
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-27
Updated: 2019-06-27
Packaged: 2020-05-20 18:08:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19381990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miss_Amby/pseuds/Miss_Amby
Summary: It was a running joke that they always said in front of her.  Anathema was finally ready to hear the story.





	I'm Worth More Than Six Goats

**Author's Note:**

> So the idea sprang from another piece of fanfiction (I can't remember whose, I've read too many now...) that had the line about him being worth more than so many goats. It grew from there. Also when writing this I didn't think of age differences when it came to Aziraphale and Crowley. Metaphysicals was where my brain was, not on physics.
> 
> Update: Thanks to Lavellington for the comment that it was "An Invitation You Can't Decline" by thehoyden that had the line about the goats. It's good too, and is a cute NSFW read.

After everything that had happened, Anathema had decided to stay in Jasmine Cottage.  Newt had joined her and they were getting used to their lives together. It was going well and about a month into this arrangement she had gotten in contact with Aziraphale and invited him and Crowley over for tea to catch up.

 

Every other week the pair would come and join her and Newt for tea and whatever dessert suited their fancy at the time.  They were an odd group; one angel, one demon, one witch, and one witch-finder but they all seemed to mesh together well. Sometimes Adam and the Them would join them and it would drag into dinner that was loud but full of fun.

 

It was during those times that an odd inside jokes would pop up. Some story would start about something in the past, normally embarrassing Crowley somehow, and then the demon would grumble under his breath something about “not worth the six goats” which got the angel to respond with “More than six would have been better.”

 

Sometimes they would be shouting back and forth between the sitting room and kitchen,  Crowley typically yelling for something to drink with Aziraphale yelling back what the cost would be.  The angel would typically reply with “Another 2 goats” or “one cow”. One time he replied back with “David’s herd, remember him?  He was such an unlikable fellow.”

 

By March, Anathema had had enough of wondering.  They had all gathered around for tea and scones and had been visiting when Aziraphale said that for one goat he would get those little cakes Crowley loved for next time.

 

“That’s it, you two need to explain this joke,”  the witch pointed back and forth at the both of them as Newt smirked behind his tea cup*.  The pair just looked at each other before Crowley waved his hand at the angel in an ‘after you’ type fashion.  Aziraphale sighed and took a sip of his tea before gently placing his saucer and cup down.

 

(*Newt had been on the receiving end of Anathema’s one track mind for information before.  He was glad it wasn’t him for once.)

 

“Very well.  It was probably, oh 1760 BC?  Yes, Hammurabi was king, interesting times.  Someone had stabbed me a few years earlier…”

 

“I said I was sorry for that but you startled me.”

 

“Hush.  Anyway I wasn’t brought back in my normal body.  It was my second body in three decades…”   
  


“I’m not sorry about the first time.  You were coming for me after what I said I did and I didn’t want to go back downstairs.”

 

“Will you stop interrupting you serpent!  You’ll get your chance to share in a moment!”  Aziraphale glared at the demon before starting his story again.  “It was my second body in three decades and they weren’t willing to give me what I normally got.  So instead I ended up in a....different body than normal. Because of its size and age I spent time going from group to group for my own safety.  Angels don’t age and all that mess. It was hard to be an angel when no one would take you seriously. I had been with a family for a few months when Crowley found me.”  He picked his cup up and took a sip and nodded to Crowley whose face broke out into a huge smile, showing off his not-quite normal teeth.

 

“I was working my way tempting those to break that lovely code that had been set up when I found someone familiar.  There was this small, and I mean small, girl with this family. Probably mid-teens with bright blonde hair, dirty white shawl wrapped all around but these blue eyes that I would have known anywhere.  After laughing for a good long while…”

 

“I didn’t look that ridiculous.”

 

“Sssssshhhh, it’s my turn for story telling angel.  After laughing in the alley I went up to the man and offered to help him out.  See he was a rancher and had a whole herd of goats and sheep and just not enough people to help watch them all.  Just need to say I was new in town and needed some work, just shelter would be fine really and BAM!” He clapped his hands spread them wide, “I got to work beside a lovely girl.  After working for him for a month or so I said I was desperately in love with Zira and I just couldn’t live without her. He offered the price of six goats and a few days later we left them.  Traveled around with our little herd for a bit before…” Crowley’s tone changed on the last sentence. There had been mirth and levity for most of the story, but it suddenly changed to something harsher.

 

Aziraphale took his hand and squeezed it, “We were ambushed.  They attacked at night, we had been drinking and didn’t hear them coming.  Crowley was discorporated first and then they got me. We didn’t know if the other was safe until oh, early ADs?  Jesus was still quite young then.”

 

“He was, I hadn’t shown him the world until later.”

 

“Anyway that’s where the joke comes from.  At the time six goats was a good number but I knew how to cook and sew as well as reading and writing.  It made sense that my price should be more.”

 

“This happened a few more times over the centuries.  It was easier to stay together if one of us had a corporal form that couldn’t do as much on their own.  Made our job bloody hard sometimes.”

 

“Yes, it was quite hard to go anywhere without a male escort sometimes.”  Crowley nodded in agreement to the angel’s assessment of the past.

 

The humans had  a look of shock on their face.  “But that would mean…” Newt started but then stopped, looking over at Anathema for confirmation on his idea.  She nodded at him before speaking.

 

“It means you two have been married for centuries.”

 

It was Aziraphale and Crowley’s turn to smile.  “Well yes dear, that is what that means. It was the start of our arrangement really.  We learned that we were still able to get our jobs done and be around each other. It also showed that our head offices weren’t really paying attention.”  

 

During his monologue Crowley had fiddled with his collar before pulling a necklace off and laying it on the table.  It was a smooth gold ring, very simple and very old. He smiled as if to dare the mortal pair to comment on the band.

 

Anathema rose to the challenge the demon laid out and picked it up, twisting in back in forth in her hand.  It was worn down and there was a slight tarnish to it* and had no other markings on it. Just a very ordinary gold band.   “It’s very simple. How old is it?”

 

(* While the ring was pure gold being worn on a creature where sulfur was a common element around them did cause some tarnishing after some time.)

 

“Oh, you know centuries.  Egypt or Greece, one of the two.”  He shrugged his shoulders in a “I don’t care” kind of attitude.  “Aziraphale’s the one that had to get the ring that time.”

 

“And yet you haven’t had another one since.”

 

“That’s because someone calls it a ‘miracle’ that I always get it back.”

 

She handed it over to Newt who looked at it quickly before playing it back into Crowley’s open hand.  He looped it back over his neck before Aziraphale pulled his ring off his hand and placed it in the witch’s.

 

“It’s not the first one he gave me, I have that one saved in a box at home.  About...oh I can’t even remember now when he gave it to me. I still wanted something, you know?  And of course I couldn’t wear it on my ring finger, there would have been too many questions from the office.  Wasn’t always in fashion to wear one or my cover wasn’t the right social level to have something like this without worrying about getting stabbed in the back.”

 

She looked it over and while it was more detailed than Crowley’s, with the design of wings on the band and it was more worn as well.  If you looked at Aziraphale’s hand you could see the mark where the ring was, just like any other married couple. “So you two have been married since Mesopotamia if I’m understanding this right?  And Heaven and Hell just let you?”

 

The angel and demon laughed at her statement, Aziraphale taking his ring back and sliding it on before waving his hand at her.  “Of course not my dear. They found out a few times but we figured out how to take care of it.”

 

Crowley leaned onto the table, hands folded and resting under his chin as he rattled off something that sounded like a report. “The angel Aziraphale was captured by Crowley for the amount of three years before finally trying to flee and getting discorpurated by a dagger.  During this time a limited amount of miracles were performed by him while tempting was increased by an amount of 50%.” The angel was smirking as Crowley spoke and sipped at his tea as he carried on. Once the demon was done he spoke.

 

“And the demon Crowley was captured by Aziraphale for the amount of three years before finally trying to flee and getting discorpurated by a smiting.  During this time a limited amount of tempting was performed by him while miracles were increased by an amount of 50%. We had to have arguments over the years in public where, well a lot of unkind things were said to keep them from figuring out too much once we both had our preferred bodies back.” 

 

Newt and Anathema looked back and forth between the two before Newt started laughing the kind of crazy nervous laughter when you’re unsure about something.  “So you played the system by giving off the same reports until you got bored and killed...well discorpurated each other?”

 

“Generally yes.  It was...uncomfortable to not be in our chosen body type and three years was the minimum the offices would give for getting it back.  As time went on it became easier and easier to keep a form...alive for lack of a better term*. It’s nice to be yourself, you know? And on that note it’s probably time for us to go home, we’ve just given you a lot of information at once and I can see poor Newt’s brain over there starting to shut down.”

 

(*There were less weapons allowed on the streets.  Both had been discorparted because of mortals wielding swords incorrectly.  Once Crowley had been in a duel. It didn’t end in his favor.)

 

Anathema looked over and sure enough Newt had a glazed over look on his face, like a computer just before it shut down unexpectedly.  “You’re probably right. Drive safe and don’t hit anyone.”

 

“I don’t hit anyone, they hit me.”  Crowley leered at her but it only made her roll her eyes.  With a snap the dishes were cleaned and returned to their places and Anathema was walking the supernatural pair to the door.

 

“Same time in two weeks?  We can plan for dinner too.”

 

“Sounds lovely dear.  We’ll see you then.”

 

She decided it was cute to watch them walk hand in hand down the drive to the Bentley, Aziraphale stealing a kiss to Crowley’s hand and they split to get into the car.  It was charming, how nice of a couple they were when you realized how much they had faced and weathered together and apart.

 

Maybe her and Newt would get something like that too.

**Author's Note:**

> Good Omens isn't mine; Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett have that honor.
> 
> Thank you sisters for proofreading that fell into a spiral about Hammurabi's code and scones.


End file.
